Iconicles

Juicy Bigger-Buggy Bumper Aggression

1 Twenty-something Driver
1 SUV, Pickup or other Over-sized Vehicle
1 Cell Phone
2 or more Small Cars
1 Left Lane (Preferred)
1 Exterior Rear Bike Rack and/or Interior Child Restraint Seat

Passengers (Optional)

This quick-and-easy favorite is back with new ingredients and becoming very popular with the interstate crowd. And kids just love it!

Start with a jam-packed freeway. Make sure you are holding the cell phone next to your ear and not in the same hand as your cigarette. You may also feel free to text your important message.

For best results, while hogging the left lane, be sure to rev up your speed to nothing short of 80.

Now suddenly and without any reservation appear in the rearview mirror of the vehicle in front of you so that where they last saw highway they become immediately confused about how your front-end grill got attached to the rear of their vehicle without a sound. If for some insane reason no smaller vehicles can be found you may mix things up by switching lanes without using a signal or you may settle for another SUV but be careful here or you might end up in a rival daredevil’s recipe!

Once the offending vehicle has signaled its lane change to get the fuck out of your way do not waste a precious moment by failing to take advantage of the opportunity for a second rush of adrenaline and immediately shoot up to the back of the next vehicle in front of yours no matter how fast or far you need to go. Repeat as desired.

This delicious recipe works especially well with road construction and holds that special element of surprise other conscientious drivers won’t fail to appreciate.

Remember to pray when necessary. Best served cold. Serves all the dead within the vicinity of your immediate crash site.

Muntadhar al-Zeidi, 28, an Iraqi Shiite, who, according to his family and the Associated Press, “came to hate both the U.S. military occupation and Iran’s interference in Iraq,” is an obvious idiot who brings shame on the occupation of Journalism.

This character isn’t someone who strives for an unbiased report of news as a reporter, but is an activist with a political agenda who has a lopsided and frustrated view of global relationships. Al_Zeidi is an egomaniac, and sadly his culture approves of such actions and idolizes them, in their hatred of those persons living freely in democracies around the world.

But democracies are such free places because of their legal constructs which provide freedom when it does not violate through physical offense towards another. Despite the silliness vs. seriousness issue surrounding the matter of intending one’s shoes to be missiles directed at a world leader, the worst thing the Iraqi government could do is reward this crackpot with clemency.

This Iraqi man purposely intended to inflict harm on another person, and in a democracy, that qualifies as assault, not heroism. The Iraqi government needs to make an example of this guy: if these people want such heroes as this idiot, they can have them — behind bars, where they belong.

While he supposedly was frustrated with Iran as well as President Bush, had al-Zeidi tried this stint on Ahmadinejad he would have been immediately put to death without even a trial. Which is why he took his cowardly shot at Bush.

I have tried to abstain from comment on this topic so I will limit my comments to the age-old adage above.

The proposed bailout of the Big 3 car companies is an abomination. If we really want innovation and invention from these people the answer is to let them resolve their issues through in-house response to their necessity apart from a free government hand out.

While I am not a Michael Moore fan for the most part, I do agree with him that once Obama proposed taxing the rich, the banks and oil companies suddenly decided to cry out in an attempt to stockpile dollars from taxpayers in anticipation of further taxes for them as the rich.

Again, they have beaten the system and taken advantage of those less fortunate.

That is the atrocity, and the government or Congress support of the matter further shows that there is no interest in the common man and taking care of her/him, but only interest in maintaining the status quo of the rich in the name of capitalism and at the expense and exploitation of the poor and middle-class. That is an abomination.

Necessity is the mother of invention, not free money for the momentarily-troubled rich. We all know these companies will survive. And they are not the bedrock of the manufacturing industry they portend to be in the United States any more than the plastics or computer industries. Let them take back their hundreds of thousands of junk SUVs and other gas guzzling junkers sitting on car sales lots.

You know the problem is serious when even a goofball like Ashton Kutcher has a workable simple answer: let the oil companies bail out the car manufacturers.

After all, they are in the lucrative, symbiotic relationship that created this mess.